Bumper Stickers

Funny Bumper Stickers & Sayings

compiled from various emails sent to me

1. Constipated People Don't Give A Crap.

2. I wished the buck stopped here, as I could use a few.

3. Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

4. I started out with nothing, and I still have most of it.

5. He who laughs last, thinks slowest.

6. On the other hand, you have different fingers.

7. If That Phone Was Up Your Butt, Maybe You Could Drive A Little Better.

8. The things that come to those that wait may be the things left by those who got there first.

9. Everyone has a photographic memory. Some don't have film.

10. A day without sunshine is like, well, night.

11. If At First You Don't Succeed...blame Someone Else And Seek Counseling.

12. Honk if you love peace and quiet.

13. If You Can Read This, I've Lost My Trailer.

14. Horn Broken... Watch For Finger.

15. It's Not How You Pick Your Nose, But Where You Put The Booger.

16. If You're Not A Hemorrhoid, Get Off My @ss.

17. You're Just Jealous Because The Voices Are Talking To Me

18. The Earth Is Full - Go Home

19. I Have The Body Of A god... Buddha

20. This Would Be Really Funny If It Weren't Happening To Me

21. So Many Pedestrians - So Little Time

22. Cleverly Disguised As A Responsible Adult

23. If We Quit Voting Will They All Go Away?

24. The Face Is Familiar But I Can't Quite Remember My Name

25. Eat Right, Exercise, Die Anyway

26. Illiterate? Write For Help

27. Honk If Anything Falls Off

28. Cover Me I'm Changing Lanes

29. He Who Hesitates Is Not Only Lost, But Miles From The Next Exit

30. I Refuse To Have A Battle Of Wits With An Unarmed Person

31. You! Out Of The Gene Pool!

32. I Do Whatever My Rice Krispies Tell Me To

33. Where Are We Going And Why Am I In This Handbasket?

34. It's Been Lovely But I Have To Scream Now

35. I Haven't Lost My Mind, It's Backed Up On Disk Somewhere

36. If You Can Read This, The B*tch Fell Off...[Seen On The Back Of A Biker's Vest]

37. Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.

38. Fight Crime: Shoot Back!

39. If You Can Read This, Please Flip Me Back Over...[Seen Upside Down, On A Jeep]

40. Remember Folks: Stop Lights Timed For 35mph Are Also Timed For 70mph.

42. If Walking Is So Good For You, Then Why Does My Mailman Look Like Jabba The Hut?

43. Necrophilia: That Uncontrollable Urge To Crack Open A Cold One.

44. Ax Me About Ebonics

45. Body By Nautilus; Brain By Mattel

46. Boldly Going Nowhere

47. Cat: The Other White Meat

48. Caution - Driver Legally Blonde!

49. Don't Be Sexist - Broads Hate That

50. Heart Attacks... God's Revenge For Eating His Animal Friends

51. Honk If You've Never Seen An Uzi Fired From A Car Window

52. How Many Roads Must A Man Travel Down Before He Admits He Is Lost?

53. If You Can't Dazzle Them With Brilliance, Riddle Them With Bullets.

54. Money Isn't Everything, But It Sure Keeps The Kids In Touch

55. Saw It... Wanted It... Had A Fit... Got It!

56. Warning! Driver Only Carries $20.00 In Ammunition

57. What Has Four Legs And An Arm? A Happy Pit Bull

58. PETA - People Eating Tasty Animals

59. If we're not supposed to eat animals, why are they made of meat?

60. I just got lost in thought. It was unfamiliar territory.

61. When the chips are down, the buffalo is empty.

62. Seen it all, done it all, can't remember most of it.

63. Those who live by the sword get shot by those who don't.

64. I feel like I'm diagonally parked in a parallel universe

65. He's not dead, he's electroencephalographically challenged.

66. You have the right to remain silent. Anything you say will be misquoted, then used against you.

67. I wonder how much deeper the ocean would be without sponges.

68. Impotence: Nature's Way Of Saying "No Hard Feelings".

69. Despite the cost of living, have you noticed how it remains so popular?

70. Nothing is fool-proof to a sufficiently talented fool.

71. It is hard to understand how a cemetery raised its burial cost and blamed it on the cost of living.

72. Just remember...if the world didn't suck, we'd all fall off.

73. The 50-50-90 rule: Anytime you have a 50-50 chance of getting something right, there's a 90% probability you'll get it wrong.

74. It is said that if you line up all the cars in the world end to end, someone would be stupid enough to try and pass them.

75. You can't have everything, where would you put it?

76. Latest survey shows that 3 out of 4 people make up 75% of the world's population.

77. My Kid Got Your Honor Roll Student Pregnant.

78. A fine is a tax for doing wrong. A tax is a fine for doing well.

79. It was recently discovered that research causes cancer in rats.

80. Everybody lies, but it doesn't matter since nobody listens.

81. Practice Safe Sex, Go Screw Yourself.

82. If You Drink, Don't Park, Accidents Cause People.

83. Clones are people, two.

84. Entropy isn't what it used to be.

85. 186,000 miles/sec: Not just a good idea, it's the LAW!

86. Editing is a rewording activity.

87. Help stamp out and eradicate superfluous redundancy.

88. I used to think I was indecisive, but now I'm not sure.

89. My reality check just bounced.

90. What if there were no hypothetical questions?

91. Energizer bunny arrested, charged with battery.

92. No sense being pessimistic, it probably wouldn't work anyway.

93. IRS - Be audit you can be!

94. Never meddle in the affairs of dragons, for you are crunchy and taste good with ketchup.

95. Plan to be spontaneous

96. Always try to be modest and be proud of it!

97. If you think nobody cares, try missing a couple of payments.

98. How many of you believe in telekinesis? Raise my hand...

99. Love may be blind but marriage is a real eye-opener.

100. Get a new car for your spouse-it'll be a great trade!

101. Save the whales. Collect the whole set.

102. You never really learn to swear until you learn to drive.

103. Two wrongs are only the beginning.

104. The sooner you fall behind the more time you'll have to catch up.

105. 42.7 percent of all statistics are made up on the spot.

106. 99 percent of lawyers give the rest a bad name.

107. Monday is an awful way to spend 1/7 of your life.

108. The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the ability to reach it.

109. To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.

110. To succeed in politics, it is often necessary to rise above your principles.

111. The colder the x-ray table the more of your body is required on it.

112. The hardness of butter is directly proportional to the softness of the bread.

113. Remember half the people you know are below average.

114. Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

115. Success always occurs in private and failure in full view.

116. Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.

117. Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.

118. The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese

119. I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol.

120. I intend to live forever-so far so good.

121. Borrow money from a pessimist-they don't expect it back.

122. If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?

123. Mind like a steel trap-rusty and illegal in 37 states.

124. Quantum mechanics: The dreams stuff is made of.

125. The only substitute for good manners is fast reflexes.

126. Support bacteria-they're the only culture some people have.

127. When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane and going the wrong way.

128. If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.

129. A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.

130. Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.

131. For every action there is an equal and opposite criticism.

132. Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks

133. Never do card tricks for the group you play poker with.

134. No one is listening until you make a mistake.

135. Do you believe in love at first sight, or should I walk by you again?

Back to Funny Stuff