Note: this isn't my material.   It was e-mailed to me.  Great stuff, though.

1.  Most blues begin with "Woke up this morning."

2.  "I got a good woman" is a bad way to begin the blues, unless you stick something nasty in the next line:

3.  The Blues are simple.  After you have the first line right, repeat it.  Then find something that rhymes ... sort of.

4.  The blues are not about limitless choice.

5.  Blues cars are Chevys and Cadillacs.  Other acceptable forms of Blues transportation is a Greyhound Bus or a southbound train.   Walkin' plays a major part in the Blues lifestyle.  So does fixin' to die.

6.  Teenagers can't sing the blues.  Adults sing the blues.  Blues adulthood means being old enough to get the electric chair if you shoot a man in Memphis.

7.  You can have the blues in New York City, but not Brooklyn or Queens.  Hard times in Vermont or North Dakota is depression.   Chicago, St. Louis, and Kansas City are still the best places to have the blues.

8.  The following colors do not belong in the blues:

• violet
• beige
• mauve
  

9.  You can't have the blues in an office or a shopping mall -- the lighting is not right.

10. Good places for the blues:

• The highway
• The jailhouse
• An empty bed

         Bad places:

• ashrams
• gallery openings
• weekend in the Hamptons

11.  No one will believe it's the blues if you wear a suit -- unless you happen to be an old black man.

Robert Johnson

12.  Do you have a right to sing the blues?

        Yes if:

• Your first name is a southern state, like Georgia
• You're blind
• You shot a man in Memphis
• You can't be satisfied

         No, if:

• You were once blind, but can now see
• You're deaf
• You have a trust fund

13.  Neither Julio Iglesias nor Barbara Streisand can sing the blues.

14.  If you ask for water and baby gives you gasoline, it's the blues.  Other blues beverages are:

• Wine
• Irish Whiskey
• Muddy Water

        The following are not blues beverages:

• mixed drinks
• Any wine Kosher for Passover
• Yoo Hoo (all flavors)

15.  If it occurs in a cheap motel or a shotgun shack, it's a blues death.  Stabbed in the back by a jealous lover is another blues way to die.  So is the electric chair, substance abuse, or being denied treatment in an emergency room.  It is not a blues death to die during a liposuction treatment.

16.  Some blues names for women: 

• Sadie
• Big Mama
• Bessie

17.  Some blues names for men: 

• Joe
• Willie
• Little Willie
• Big Willie
• Lightning

18.  Persons with names like Sierra, Sequoia, or Rainbow will NOT be permitted to sing the blues, no matter how many men they shoot in Memphis.

19.  Other blues names (starter kit): (note, look at the picture below)

• a:  name of physical infirmary (blind, cripple, asthmatic)
• b: first name (see above) and name of fruit (lemon, lime, kiwi, etc)
• c:  last name of President (Jefferson, Johnson, Fillamore, etc.) 

Blind Lemon Jefferson

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